I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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