i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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