Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
from now on my penis is your penis
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
