I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
