If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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