He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
