Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
