walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
