i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They took my balls.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
