I swear she didn't look like that last week.
thus making me awesome and them whores
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
