what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
