Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
