We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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