we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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