i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
