I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I still have a little drunk in my system
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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