if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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