do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
