I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
