Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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