96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
