i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
