I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
