last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We smell like vodka and hangover
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