Your dad touched me again.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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