I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
