This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
