i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
