forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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