respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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