New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
