i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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