Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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