you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
