seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
