we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
