there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well you can't waste a boner
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
