Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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