just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
