you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
