jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
