it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
