im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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