you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
