We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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