i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
