One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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