The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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