Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
