Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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