Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
