K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
