I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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