First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
