Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
