3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
