no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
