I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
