Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
