It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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