I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
