fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
