I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
