i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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