he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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