nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
