I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
