I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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