Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
