Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
