Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
