He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
