Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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