I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
