I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
